I bet if we all thought about it, we could remember specific times in our lives where we didn’t feel beautiful or worthy. I remember so many instances in my childhood where those little doubts crept into my life telling me that I wasn’t pretty, wasn’t enough, wasn’t perfect. The bushy eyebrows, hairy arms, crooked teeth, scar on my forehead and my teeny tiny gymnasts body that grew at breakneck speeds when I finally hit puberty. When the hashtag “I woke up like this” started happening and Beyonce started singing about how flawless she was upon opening her eyes in the morning (duh, we all knew that) I was so excited. Finally, people would celebrate themselves and their worthiness when they rolled out of the bed, alive and ready for a new day. But no, it only started a movement of people putting on make up to make it look like they hadn’t, it turned into retouching images, poised and staged scenes that only used the hashtag to garner comments. I am so done with the photoshopping, the perfecting, the fact that we are constantly manipulating ourselves to “perfect” what we look like for the approval of this world.
A few nights ago, I travelled to Austin, Texas to meet a bunch of women I had only previously known online. As I sat at dinner with them, we somehow got on the topic of boudoir photography. I was trying to tell them how I loved it for so many reasons: the empowerment of the woman, the relief in comfort in her skin, the timeless images that could be passed down, the pure fact that she felt worthy enough to get images of herself… the list could go on but I stopped there and then started to open my heart about the parts I struggled with. I struggle with the fact that women usually do boudoir photos for men, not for themselves. They show up at my doorstep with gorgeous hair and beautiful make up and they look absolutely stunning in their fancy lingerie and they leave feeling great, but sometimes I just want to tell the real story, which for me looks nothing like lace or lashes.
Ever since I started working from home (four years ago) I really started to just rolling out of bed and getting right to work. Who has time for make up when you’re a business owner. I started to apologize to Drew for the fact that I didn’t curl my hair or cover up my blemishes but the truth was I kept missing the point. This is the man who tells me I’m beautiful when I wake up with drool on my cheek and a rats nest in my hair, this is the man that promised for better or worse that he would be with me, he doesn’t care if I have heels on or slippers. I also started to realize that I would only get in front of my camera if I had my hair and make up done and I started to feel like it wasn’t fair to my followers, I wear make up maybe two days a week, I put on real pants only when I have to, and I have struggled with my body image for as long as I can remember. Over dinner and drinks that night, a vision was born, I wanted to document people when they woke up.
1.) No planned lingerie, only what you have on, packed, or really wear when you go to bed.
2.) No make up, no retouching, no shame.
3.) No negative body talk during your ten minute session! All the good vibes, only.
I told my new friends that I wanted to photograph them fresh out of bed, no make up, zero retouching, nothing fancy – I wanted them to feel enough, beautiful, and worthy the moment their eyes opened and the second they had purpose in the morning. Over the course of the last four days I photographed seven women who were brave enough to face the lens, who while uncomfortable with being raw in front of the camera, embraced the season they are in right now. There were zero matching panties and bras sets, no make up or lashes, a not of nerves, and talk about what we are insecure about but the truth is, when I see the images, I feel like they are even more beautiful because I see my dear friends just as I know them, just as I love them. These are the faces we see in the mirrors every day and if we don’t start celebrating them now (imperfections and all) it might be too late before we realize our beauty. I want this project to be about truth, embracing the flaws, getting out of our comfort zones, about changing boudoir and focusing on documenting our lives because they are worthy to be documented in this season. So, friends, I really did wake up like this and while I am so close to hitting delete on this post because I don’t want the world to see my bod in yesterdays undies, I want you to know that this is how I woke up and I am learning to embrace the beauty, the flaws, and all that comes with it.
I woke up like this, flawless.
- Beyonce
Thank you to my roomie and BFF, Shalyn, for making me get in front of my camera to explain my vision. I am forever thankful for your push and for shooting these real photos of who I am right in this stage of life.
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